Ashley Tra My Crocker
During the adoption journey, Claire Crocker wrote a journal for her daughter Ashley. You can read excerpts below or read about her adoption on the Adopt Vietnam site.
4/23/97 We are on our way! After an overnight stop in Portland, Oregon yesterday to drop Danny with Aunt Jan, we boarded our Delta flight to L.A.X. and transferred to the Thai International flight we are on now. We almost met with disaster. When checking in at the Thai Int'l desk, we were informed that our booking had been canceled! Horrors! They did have 2 available seats and rebooked us, but the flight was really full. It could have been a disaster. We tracked down the problem: the Delta agent in Portland, Oregon had canceled the flight that morning. All we can figure is that she hit a wrong button. Some wrong button! Delta will be hearing from us!
I've been having a tough reaction to the malaria pill. It makes me completely sleepless - I'm really only getting about 4 hours sleep per night - and that's with the help of prescribed sleeping pills! I made the mistake of drinking coffee this morning and had rapid heartbeat, shaky hands, a blood sugar drop and a feeling of great agitation. It was a little alarming, but at least I knew that the malaria pill and caffeine were to blame. No more coffee for me!
I'm sure my anticipation of all that will happen in the next few days adds to the general feeling of restlessness
and agitation. There is a double "whammy" to this experience. The trip to Hanoi itself is a major undertaking
- one which includes great expense, long flights, maneuvering in foreign countries with foreign currencies, and
entering a communist country where we are totally unfamiliar with the language, customs and culture. I've done
some reading, but still feel anxiety about how we will fare. The second, and more important aspect of all this,
is the actual adoption. We are going to change your life and our lives forever. The trauma that you will endure
when we first take you away from what you've always known will be heartbreaking. I anticipate you will be frightened,
angry and stunned. Transitions are always difficult, and yours will be tremendous. I must be
feeling great anxiety about being "up to" the task of doing the right things to make the transition a
healthy one for you. I know you'll need to grieve the loss of your present life and all of the good people who
are significant in it. How I hope I'm able to do the right things! And we won't really be able to communicate well.
So many unknowns. So many worries. But we already love you so much! We will make it all work out well!
4-25-97 It is Friday morning and we are in a hotel in Bangkok. Since we passed the international dateline, it looks like I missed a day of writing, but I haven't! The flight from Los Angeles through Seoul and to Bangkok took over 20 hours total. What an ordeal! And you will be making that same route back with us soon. I wish it were easier to get you home.
Today we fly into Hanoi. So far the jet lag hasn't affected me greatly, as I've been able to sleep some on the plane. Tomorrow will be the first day we really get to see you. Will you be afraid of us? Will you warm up to us quickly? You are so important to us...it is a day we have looked forward to for a long time!
It's evening and we've had an interesting day. The ride to the hotel from the airport introduced us to the intricacies of Hanoi traffic. Most vehicles are bicycles and motorbikes. We were in a small van, and our driver, Dung, drove at what seemed to be a very fast speed for the conditions, weaving among the cyclists and honking whenever someone ahead of him was going too slow. There are no traffic lights and intersections are a "free-for-all", with each driver/cycler slowing somewhat and trying to anticipate what each other driver is going to do. It is a constant weaving, slowing, honking, turning tangle!
After checking into our hotel, we rested and then decided to walk down to a restaurant about 1/2 mile away. The great variety of activity along the streets is astounding. The sidewalks are impassable in places due to parked cars and motorbikes, vendor's stands, puddles of water, and people gathered around talking or eating. It grew dark while we ate and so we hired a cyclo driver to take us back to the hotel.
This afternoon I watched a woman dip buckets into a square-shaped hole in the sidewalk of the narrow street where our hotel is located. She brought up water and washed the sidewalks in front of her "store". The "stores" are really narrow cubby-holes where items are offered for sale. It looks like the owner usually lives behind or over the little space where the items are displayed. Watching the goings-on in the street is fascinating. People balance and carry loads on long bamboo poles and occasionally on their heads. One woman set a basket of vegetables next to the "well" of water in the sidewalk and proceeded to "wash" them with the water. I'm sure she will then sell the vegetables. People seem to be much less distressed about their state of poverty than I would have guessed. They seem to be eking out a living however they can, and accept that life is the way it is. This is much different from many poor people in the U.S. who are angry and emotionally damaged. These people seem quite happy.
Tomorrow morning we finally see you. It's finally here! We've waited so long for you to become a part of our family, officially. (You've really been "with" us every day since the day we found out about you!) We do so want to give you the opportunity for a full and happy life. It begins tomorrow.
4/26/97 Such a day this has been! Such an emotional experience! After visiting Tu Liem, it is very obvious to me that you were loved and well cared for by the orphanage staff. They were full of hugs and kisses for you, as well as tears of goodbye.
At 8:30 a.m. we rode to Tu Liem in the Holt van. Char Kimball and her good friend, Lucille, were along. Char & her husband are adopting Nga, who is 6 years old. We saw you on the porch, but I wasn't sure it was you! Your hair was shorter than in the pictures we have, and you were wearing a satin jacket and pants suit. Without the scowl that appeared in most pictures we have, I hardly knew you!
We went into a small room where a table was set with lovely flowers and fresh fruit. Coffee and cookies were served. The director, Mdme. Thuy, spoke and Lan, Holt's Vietnam representative, interpreted. They talked about how you came to be at Tu Liem after introductions were made. We were able to ask a few questions, but my mind was tangle of so many thoughts! You were sitting next to me on a chair, but did not want to be close to me at first. One of the caregivers indicated that I should offer you one of the cookies - and I was able to hold you on my lap while you ate it and two others, followed by grapes and tangerine segments.
Outside on the porch you were given flowers and lots of hugs and kisses. The local people from around the center all came out and gathered at the gate to watch. They seemed very interested. We took lots of pictures and changed you into a different outfit. After many more happy words and good wishes, we were ready to go. You were leaving behind a great friend, Trung, a boy of 2 that you have been close with. He seemed very sad to see you go.
We had to go to immigration to apply for your passport. You and Nga waited patiently, eating pretzels and arrowroot cookies. Finally we headed back to the hotel. We were way off your schedule for lunch and nap. You did eat a little rice soup and you drank some orange juice. But before the food came, you finally got overwhelmed. When I tried to sit down at the table, with you in my lap, you started sobbing. I stood back up and "jiggled' and rocked you until the food came. You're a very big girl and heavy for me to hold!
It was obvious that you were all worn out and your eyelids were heavy. We took you upstairs and you started sobbing again, so I held you and hummed until you quieted and fell asleep. You've been asleep about 3 hours now. Isn't it time to wake up yet?
p.s. later that evening... You're asleep on a mattress at the foot of our bed. You've done very well for a little
girl whose world has been turned upside down! After your nap you ate a snack of goldfish crackers and milk. We
washed your hair and bathed you - and then introduced you to the toys. You've latched onto the magic wand toy and
haven't let it out of your sight -
not even for dinner! You spoke your first word in front of us since leaving Tu Liem at supper when you saw a picture
of Ha who is being adopted by Mark and Linda DiMascio. Their 7 year old daughter, Amanda, is along. When you saw
Ha's picture you clearly pronounced, "Ha".
Later in the hotel room you stood by the bed stacking colorful cups and looking at books. What a thrill to see how you are accepting the changes we must force upon you! You've been a trooper! We know that we are the luckiest Mom and Dad ever!
As you sleep, your magic wand and new toothbrush are clutched one in each hand. You are just too precious!
4-27-97 You are amazing! This morning we ventured out in search of the Metripole Hotel with Nga, Char and Lucille. Little did I know I was navigating us towards the wrong hotel on the map! But it turned out well, and we had quite an adventure. We thought we'd have to carry you everywhere we went, but no - you held Daddy's hand and pulled him along, never tiring of being "out front".
We strolled down streets crowded with the busy goings-on of a typical day - heavy traffic, street vendors, shopkeepers, beggars, people carrying baskets balanced on bamboo poles, and... us! Although we didn't realize it at the time, we wandered into Hanoi's Old Quarter. At one point we headed down a narrow canopied alley, lined with tables and displays of the fresh produce and "catches" of the day. The sights and smells were unique to us, but so fascinating and earthy. Among the offerings were live frogs, eels, squid, chickens, and fish, all ready to become part of someone's freshly cooked meal. Many fruits, vegetables and flowers were also attractively displayed. The experience of walking up and down this incredible bombardment of the senses is one I'll never forget. It was a momentary glimpse into the daily lives of people who live their lives so differently from us - but I envied the simplicity and freshness of the marketplace. There was an intimacy among the people there - it's hard to explain how these people may not have many material things, but they do have the predictable company of fellow vendors and customers, selecting or selling items and coexisting with neighbors in close quarters day after day. It seemed like such a natural and comfortable place for them. We Americans, on the other hand, were probably curious intruders to them, not necessarily unwelcome, but certainly not fitting in- as though the whole jigsaw puzzle is complete and there we were - a few extra unrelated pieces that weren't a part of the whole.
We dragged you all around the area (or rather, you dragged us!) and finally decided to take a taxi to the Metripole, where we had lunch. You are so patient and enduring! It helps to have Nga along because she takes responsibility for you- and I'm sure you like having a familiar face around.
We expected to be carrying you, but you don't mind trudging along at all! We're so impressed! You've made this first couple of days so easy for us! And we finally saw your smile today, too. It was for Nga, but it didn't matter to us. It's the most beautiful smile ever!
4-28-97 Last night we had dinner at the Indochine Restaurant with the Holt personnel for Vietnam: Alexander and Marilyn. All 3 families were present, minus Ha, who was not yet with the DiMascios. You and Nga had fun sitting next to each other. I would catch you smiling and laughing with Nga, but then when your eyes met mine, your smile instantly would disappear - as though someone pulled the shade down on it.
But today you and I played a little kickball with the beach ball and you were smiling and having a good time with me! I've noticed that you are trying very hard to please us, and you look at us searchingly before doing anything or making any move. You're such a sweetie!
This morning we got a late start, waiting for the Kimball's to join us for breakfast. I fed you a little rice cereal to keep you going until we got to the restaurant, but you must have thought that was all you were going to get. When I walked out the door to go down to the front desk for a minute, you began sobbing. I can imagine you were pretty disappointed when you woke up this morning and you were still here with us instead of back at your safe, predictable, comfortable orphanage. You sobbed for quite awhile, laying on my chest and clinging to me. I'm so helpless to comfort you. I can only hold you and rock you and hurt with you. I'm sure you don't realize how much your dad and I feel pain each time we see your sad expression and hear your sobs. We love you so much, but it's going to take you some time to let go of your strong ties to Tu Liem and embrace the new love and opportunities we are offering.
It was much hotter today and you weren't quite so peppy as yesterday. We had a nice breakfast at an outdoor French cafe and a long walk back to the hotel. Once again, as soon as we walked into the room - you began to sob, as though the reality of this new dwelling was just too overwhelming. I held you and you cried yourself to sleep.
You are not sad, however, all the time. You are somber usually, but seem to enjoy playing with stacking cups, plastic animals, and MagnaDoodle. You spend a lot of time looking at the books we brought, too. During your bath you stay busy using the stacking cups to pour and measure and play. You've begun to whisper words sometimes while you play. I'm sure they are Vietnamese. Today I think you tried to say "book" in English. I was very excited about that!
For supper we went to Uncle Sam's restaurant. It features "Western" food, but I fear that it was not really very enjoyable. We got tough, stringy chicken and side dishes that weren't appetizing at all. However, the experience itself was memorable - there were only two 2-person tables in the restaurant. The hostess asked if we wanted to eat upstairs, so we climbed the 4 flights to the top where we sat on couches and ate dinner from a glass coffee table. The balcony overlooked the rooftops and Ho Tay (West Lake) was only a block away. The breeze at that height was helpful, since it was hot and humid. Our experiences are so unique each day! We were the only people who ate at this restaurant that night, I'm sure. The food was lousy, but the view and cultural experience were great!
We find it a little difficult to communicate - especially with those who speak no English at all. At the French restaurant today Lucille had us in hysterics, trying to use charades, pantomimes, synonyms, etc. to ask for our scrambled eggs to be cooked more thoroughly. We finally managed with the help of my phrasebook. I went out on the street and bought fruit today. I'm sure I got "ripped off", but had fun interacting with the "locals" and experiencing the streetlife for myself. I've already acquired great affection for this city and its wonderful people. I'm even getting used to the traffic! We've learned to cross streets by moving slowly and consistently - without pausing- because all vehicle drivers are gauging their paths by anticipating where you will be if you just continue moving. Stopping in midstream upsets the insane pattern to the whole affair!
Tomorrow is the Giving and Receiving Ceremony - and your "official" membership in our family begins! I know I'm going to be goofy and cry. It's inevitable. I'm so enamored with you already - to have the adoption official and legal is just a formality. You stole my heart from the very first!
4-29-97 We started our morning at the French cafe and then walked to Ho Hoan Kiem, the Lake of the Restored Sword. We've had such a full day today, it seems like it was much longer ago than just this morning! Along the way we found souvenirs to give to you and to people back home. It was fun selecting the items and they are very inexpensive.
The lake was pleasant, and many schoolage children were running around, playing. Often they greeted us, "Hello!" "How are you?" They must be learning English in school. We wondered why they weren't in school...
It was approaching your lunch and naptime, so we returned to the hotel in a cyclo. We've decided it's the best way to travel medium distances - too far to walk but not worth a taxi. The sensation of heading through traffic on the front of a cyclo is thrilling - and for some reason, accidents don't seem to happen!
The hotel had noodles for your lunch, but we decided to try and find western fare while you napped. It was a futile trip that I made to a hotel that no longer existed. No one could think of a local place that served sandwiches. I even looked for an Italian Gelato shop, but without the address was unsuccessful. I returned empty-handed, so Dad and I snacked on what we had brought from home.
Your nap was cut short by our need to prepare you for your Giving and Receiving ceremony. You wore a new red Vietnamese outfit we'd bought that morning. What a beautiful girl you are!
We met at a government office and an official spoke with the assistance of Lan, who translated. The gist was that they are pleased we can give loving homes to Vietnamese children and that we are fortunate to have these children as members of our family. He especially stressed that they (you) should be considered exactly the same as biological children. I had to smile. I can't imagine I'll ever have to "get after you" the way I do when Danny is up to his tricks! But otherwise, I can see no difference in my affection for you. Holding you in my lap and snuggling you close gives me the exact same feeling as when I've done so with Danny. The fierce mother-love is already there.
I managed to get through the ceremony without blubbering, but I was some choked up! It was so wonderful to realize your place in our family is legal, official and permanent. This was one of those moments I wished I could freeze in time to feel the thrill over and over.
We relaxed in our room afterward and then had supper downstairs with DiMascios and Kimballs. We had purchased tickets to the Water Puppet Show. Unfortunately, it didn't start until 8:00 p.m. and you were tired before it started! The show was fascinating, but hard to see, as large heads blocked key spots in our view. You were hot and tired - but very patiently sat and tuned in and out. You were like a little oven on our laps, and we were all drenched with sweat when we left. The puppetry is cleverly accomplished. We haven't quite figured out the techniques. I very much enjoyed it and wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Tomorrow we head to Ha Long Bay. It's a long trip and we have an early start. I'd best save my remaining energy to undress and crawl into bed. I hope you like this tour tomorrow!
4-30-97 Oh, my! Oh, my goodness! Today was the pivot point, I think! Do you have personality, or what???
It all started out unremarkable. We had to wake you up early to catch the bus tour to Ha Long Bay. Since we went to the Water Puppet Theater last night and got home a little late, it was really unfair to ask you to get up at 5:30. But you did, and like the trooper that you are, not a complaint! We really only snacked for breakfast, but I did manage to get a little Dramamine in one spoonful of milk you tasted, so you slept most of the long trip down. Thank goodness for the Dramamine! It was a lumpy, bumpy bus ride that would have tested the stomach of the strongest of us! Little did we suspect...
After lunch we got on a boat tour of the bay. It was five hours long and we had hurried to get ready - never even grabbed toys or snacks! Unforgivable! What we discovered is that you find many ways to entertain yourself- singing quietly, playing with everyday items (film canisters today...), etc. When that got old, you got your personality in gear and began teasing us by pretending to go where we'd asked you not to (near the bow of the boat where the railing was lower). You eventually had involved almost everyone on the boat in your peek-a-boo play and running around. You were the only child on the boat and definitely the entertainment of the afternoon! What a smile! What giggles! What a flirt! You were all wound up and turned on for the whole 5 hours! What a girl! We just kept looking at each other (your dad & I), as if to say, "This is the same kid?".
You also broke the language barrier today. The only English word I'd heard you try to repeat up to today was "book". Well, today you began with "boat", proceeded to "Mommy", "water", "comb", and then several animal names in your storybook when we got back. You also mimic counting numbers one to ten - and your syllables are sounding very close to correct. We have practiced counting items with you, but today you seem to remember and reproduce the sequence of sounds. Amazing! You had quite the banner day!
I don't know whether to rejoice or have a heart attack - if you have as much energy and personality as your brother, Danny, I'm in trouble!
You did "lose it" at bedtime tonight when I left the room to get sheets to cover us (it's very warm tonight). When I returned you were sobbing and you sobbed yourself right to sleep in my arms. You still have much grieving to do - it will take you some time to realize that we will always be there for you as long as we live.
Just promise me that you and your brother, Danny, aren't going to "gang up on Mom". I think I'd better double up on my vitamins from now on!
5-1-97 I really didn't describe the trip to Ha Long Bay so much as your shenanigans, which overshadowed everything else yesterday. For $29.00 per adult we got the following:
The boat yesterday looked marginally seaworthy and was meant to hold about 15 or so people. There were about 10 or 12 of us on board. There were not, however, a bathroom or snacks on board. Very basic. At one point Dad decided to find the lifeboats. He thought that they sure were well hidden! I figured that they didn't exist. You had to board by walking up a wooden plank that was lowered to shore. It was a pleasant and relaxing time, quite the opposite of busy, noisy, bustling Hanoi.
The hotel room is barely adequate. It has no tub, only a hand held shower on the wall - no stall. The water drains, sort of, to a corner drainhole, but the whole bathroom floor pretty much gets wet.
Poor Dad and Mom! We're getting a little tried of the "local" food, since we're used to a much different diet. Our search for "Western" style food has almost become an obsession! For lunch today we asked where we might find a hotel for "tourists". After a wild hired motorbike ride (all of us and a driver on one bike!) to the suggested restaurant, we found the same basic menu as everywhere else. But the waitresses try to be so accommodating! When we ask for bread they send someone down the street to buy bread. The same with milk. They very much want to please us. What a lovely people the Vietnamese are! I hope you will always be proud of your heritage.
Instead of the 5 hour boat cruise offered this morning, we "hung around town". The great find of the day was a shady area near the bay that had a polished granite slide and several metal mini-cars rotating like a merry-go-round (not motorized). You loved them both. You certainly are not timid when you get warmed up!
We pushed you on the merry-go-round a couple of different times - quite a while each time. It was obvious you liked it. The slide was rather slick and seemed to be a new experience for you. You went down skee-widey a few times and bumped your head a little once. No tears, tho'. Even the couple of times you fell and scraped knees there were no tears.
Tonight, for the first time, you balked at going to bed. After being an absolute trooper all day and enduring
the hot, long dusty bus ride home (you sang and stayed busy with very little the whole time), you ran to the door
when it was time to get into bed. You cried quite awhile even after I'd put you down. I guess you'd had so much
fun entertaining Daddy and me with your
antics, that bed seemed pretty boring.
You've also discovered flavored milk on this trip (strawberry and chocolate). They were quite a hit. But you just didn't know what to do about the ice cream bar Daddy bought. You wanted to hold the stick, but not bite the ice cream. Oh, well. There's plenty of time for you to discover ice cream...
5/2/97 Well, wasn't Daddy excited to find the Baskin Robbins here in Hanoi. We shared a scoop of ice cream, but you're still not impressed. What a nasty face you make when you don't like the way something tastes!
Today we visited the pagoda at Hoan Kiem Lake. You watched tiny frogs hopping about - they were no bigger than large houseflies. Then it was a pigeon that caught your fancy. The beauty of the pagoda and shrines was lost on you - you're more interested in playing Peek-a-boo behind the pillars.
The Holt staff gave us all the legal paperwork today. Inside were pictures of you at various ages, including when you were just a few months old. It is helpful for us to see what you looked like at various ages. You sure are a cutie!
After that we visited the Birla Orphanage where you were first brought. Although you were only there a few days, everyone was anxious to see you and say goodbye. You didn't want to go to them, and clung to us. It made us feel good that you have bonded so strongly with us. We felt badly, however, for the caregivers, as they really wanted to hold you and kiss you goodbye.
It was a long cab ride over, and we stopped to get flowers. The poor woman couldn't understand me, and finally I pulled out my 50,000 Dong note and said, "Give me this many flowers." They almost knocked each other down preparing this bouquet, "just so". The whole time our cab meter was running. Every experience we have, the people are so kind!
The evening ended at the Metropole where we had an elegant dinner after confusing ourselves about where the Daiwoo Hotel was. The poor cab and cyclo drivers must have thought we were "crazy Americans". But that dinner sure tasted good!
The play-doh is a big hit with you. You sure like to use the cookie cutters and show us what you've done. You run yourself ragged between us, first showing one and then the other. We sure love you!
5/3/97 Today we hired a cyclo driver to take us around to various spots throughout the morning. After a breakfast of soup (for you) and French toast (for all of us) we shopped on several different streets. It was very hot and humid, and by mid-morning we were all dripping wet and feeling drained. The Temple of Literature was lovely and peaceful, but the heat made it hard to enjoy. You ran around quite a bit, and got even MORE hot. Oh, well!
Your dad and I continually comment on how much personality you have. We had expected you to be quiet and shy. The fact that your first smiles came after only a couple of days really surprised us. We're so pleased that you are exactly how you are: funny, silly, mischievous, mostly obedient but sometimes a little defiant, intelligent, charming...need I say more? We're absolutely thrilled! We imagined that the first week would be a difficult time for you - and, thus, for us as well. What an easy time we've had getting to know you! You are a delight!
Tonight we visited the Kimballs and DiMascios at their hotel. Nga had bronchitis and had to be seen at the Swedish Clinic last night. She seems better today, but I'm hoping you won't catch the "bug" from her.
As much as we love Hanoi, we're anxious to move on. Living out of suitcases gets old fast, and we're counting the days to the next step, which is moving the center of operations to Bangkok. Then another countdown begins.
Your vocabulary keeps increasing, and we're very pleased with your efforts. You'll be bilingual before you know it!
5/4/97 What a character you've turned out to be! When we're in taxis or cyclos you sing away, seemingly happy and content. I just wish I knew the songs so I could sing along! Your dad and I constantly say how lucky we are that we have you. Already you seem so comfortable with us!
One thing we've discovered that you HATE is getting your face wet. You now dread bath time and scream hysterically while we shampoo your hair even though we are now careful not to get water on your face. We'll have to figure out a way to make bath time more fun for you. I guess we blew it when we let water run down your face while shampooing. I wonder what your caregivers did at the orphanage to wash your hair?
We visited the Kimballs and DiMasicios again today and walked from their hotel over to the lake and park across the street. There was a carnival-type ride there, kind of like a merry-go-round, that you rode on. At first you looked happy enough, but by the end you were not. I'm not sure why, but the music was loud and quite irritating. I had walked away from the crowd to try to get a picture. You may have been upset because I wasn't where you expected me to be. When we went up to another ride, you didn't want to get on. Oh, well! We'll work on the carnival rides later...
We are now down to only one more full day in Hanoi. I'm anxious to move on, but not because of any bad experience here, certainly. We're just tired of living "on the road", so to speak. We're supposed to get your passport tomorrow and the Thai visa Tuesday morning. Then, off to Bangkok!
Every day and within each day, everything we do - we're struck by the genuine friendliness of people here. So many acts of kindness have come our way. How can we ever repay Hanoi for its kindness and the most special gift it could give...one of its precious children! And such a special one you are, too! Your smiles, laughs and giggles make our day, every day. Without you, this would be such a different, and certainly less enjoyable, experience. We're in a strange land (for us!) where most people don't understand us when we speak - and we certainly don't understand them, either!
We're having to live out of suitcases and eat meals at different places all the time. It's terribly humid and usually very worm. And in the middle of all this challenge - is a little girl who makes us laugh, smile, shake our heads in wonder. Every time you do something new or different - each time you try to say a new word in English - it's such a thrill! You now call us Mommy and Daddy, too. I don't suppose you have any idea how much you've already added to our lives. What a girl!
5/5/97 We've had our last cyclo ride and sadly bid farewell to the streets of Hanoi. Tomorrow we get your Thai visa and head to Bangkok. We'll cherish many happy memories of our time in your city. But as we rode past street stalls, crowded storefronts and the crazy traffic of Hanoi, I thought about how you could have been one of the little children living in these friendly but poverty-stricken streets. How different your life will be because your birthmother could not care for you. Perhaps in her heart she knew a better life existed for you - and if we could but find her, she'd be happy to know you are loved and well cared for. I wish we had a way of letting her know. Wouldn't she be surprised to find out that you will be growing up in America!
Among our cherished memories are numerous waitpersons who rushed to open doors, supply chairs, get orders "just right". How whenever we request bread or cold milk - they send someone out for it, to be purchased at some other store and served to insure we are pleased. I've never seen so many people so anxious to accommodate the desires of patrons. The kindness of our hotel staff has been remarkable. No request is too much or too menial. Today a young boy selling the usual postcards and paperbacks claimed that I had been his mother 3,000 years ago. His English was pretty good and his story was so amusing and endearing that I bought postcards I didn't need. By the way, he said I was a wonderful mother and he had been very lucky. What a con!
You had your first stroller ride today - around Hoan Kiem Lake. You liked it! I tried to keep you in the shade as much as possible. People often ask if you are Vietnamese and seem pleased when we say "yes". I will so miss the many friendly smiles, the charade-like gestures that assist with communications, the pungent odors, the beeping horns, and whistling trains. The bustle of the street below has become dear and familiar. While the silence of our country home is something I sought out, I will always hear the street sounds of Hanoi in my recollections of our time here. It is a tie that binds us as no other can. I know the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and textures of your origins - and I love them. You will only hear positive and fond information about this place of your birth. I'm glad we all shared it together - your dad, me and you. One day we'll return and Danny will learn, too.
Meanwhile, we're a step closer to home., Our goodbye to the Lavender Hotel and its gracious staff will be sad; we've become fond of everyone here. But, we're anxious to move on - get closer to home, so to speak. There is so much of our life yet unrevealed to you! We need to get you home!
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