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The Brodeur Family

Our decision to adopt came after years of infertility. When the doctors finally told me that my chance of conceiving was less than 2% I at first decided that I would never be a mother. I believed at the time that if I could not have a biological child I could not love any other child the way it deserved, therefore ruling out adoption.

After what I believe were Divine interventions in my life and heart, my attitude toward adoption changed dramatically. In September of 1999 we first met with Alliance for Children, the agency with which we chose to work. In considering which country to adopt from we looked at the length of the wait, the program cost and what race we felt we were capable of handling as a couple. Obviously, we would now become a mixed race family, and all the racial implications had to be seriously considered.

Our agency had us work on many steps simultaneously: fingerprinting, homestudy and I-600a submission, and assembling our dossier. We gave our completed homestudy and dossier to the Agency on January 26, 2000 for translation and authentication. In about 6-8 weeks it was forwarded to the Vietnam facilitator, International Mission of Hope (IMH).

Our referral call came on April 24, 2000, at 4:35 p.m. to be exact. Our social worker called to tell us that they had a baby waiting for us. Finally, I was going to be a mother! I called my sister to let her know that we were immediately driving to the agency to pick up her documents and pictures.

My family knew that when we got “the call” we would be having a party. My sister made the phone calls and got the food ready while we drove to the agency. My plan was to have color photocopies of the baby’s picture made and seal them in envelopes, one for each person at the party. When I counted to three everyone could open their envelopes and find out all at the same time about the baby. One… two… three… IT’S A GIRL!!! There was so much excitement in that room at that moment you couldn’t hear yourself think. Everyone was asking so many questions all at once. Our daughter’s birth name was Duong Thi Thuy. We would call her Abigail Shae Thi Thuy Brodeur. She was born February 2000, and was at the Cau Giay Feeding Center for Malnourished and Orphaned Children (aka Tu Liem). She was admitted to Tu Liem one month later, and I couldn’t wait to meet her.

Next came the hardest part of our long journey, waiting for the call to travel. By the time we got the okay in mid July I had made lists of what to pack, gone shopping for more items, repacked, made more lists, shopped some more, then cried because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t work, couldn’t converse with my friends, could only lay around the house stressed out and depressed from wanting Abby in my arms so badly.

We departed for Logan Airport in Boston on July 29, 2000. We left the house around 4:00 a.m. so we’d be there in plenty of time for our 6:00 a.m. departure. Except that we found out when we got to the airport that the flight was delayed 2 hours. ARGHHH! Would the wait never end?

We flew for 2 days, pretty much uneventfully, until we landed in Hanoi. Our luggage was lost, all we had were our carry-ons. Thank goodness that some of the people at the airport spoke at least some broken English. We filled out our forms, but by then so much time had gone by that the driver that Mrs. Thuy had sent to pick us up had left, thinking we missed our flight. Thanks to the APV list, I knew to take the hotel address with us. I showed it to the driver, we agreed on a price, and off to the Claudia hotel we went.

That first glimpse of Vietnam is imprinted in my brain. The humidity, the honking of the cars, the palm trees, the motorcycles carrying everything from a family of 4 to a dishwasher on the back…it was overwhelming and wonderful. The women mostly dressed in long pants and long sleeved shirts, and wore gloves, handkerchiefs over their faces, and rice hats. This was to stay protected from the sun, to stay pale.

We had been told that the Claudia hotel was only 7 feet wide, but you really have to see it to believe it. Mrs. Thuy greeted us, and we instantly felt at home. She and her staff are very friendly and accommodating. Because our luggage was lost, I didn’t have any clothes to change into. She had one of her staff, Vanh, take me to some local shops to find an outfit.

Unfortunately we arrive on a Saturday afternoon. We wouldn’t see Abby until Monday morning. It was a hard wait, but it gave us an opportunity to explore the area. In this section of Hanoi were shops by the hundreds. Each was only approximately 7-10 feet wide, and each street had a different product for sale. For instance, one street sold clothing, one shoes, one children’s toys, one eyeglasses, one jewelry, etc. When you wanted to buy something you went to the appropriate street and found the shop you wanted to do business with.

I had been warned about the street vendors, the ones that attach themselves to you when you exit the hotel or a shop. To say they are persistent is an understatement. They will hound you until you purchase something from them, typically cone hats, postcards, books or the like. Our best bet was to ignore them and keep walking.

Traffic was an experience that some might call scary, but I loved it. Motorcycles and cars, bicycles and foot traffic all speeding past with seemingly no order. Crossing the street might bring one to tears. But I just stepped off the curb and steadily walked across the street. Sure enough all veered around me, and I was cautious of the approaching cars. After a few times I got to like walking around the area, and would do so eagerly. Mrs. Thuy told me of one guest who got to the other side of the street and cried. She had to be escorted back across.

Monday morning we were told to be ready at 10:00 am to go to the orphanage. We boarded the van with another mother waiting for her child, and were off for the 15 minute ride to Tu Liem. The sights once again were both startling and amazing. I remember at one point seeing a man on a motorcycle with a gutted pig across his lap, hoofs splayed out…I was so taken up by what I was seeing I came to with a start remembering why I was in Vietnam… to meet my daughter.

Pulling up to the orphanage was surreal. How do you process 13 years of waiting for a child coming to fruit in a few minutes? As we approached I noticed some men sitting in a room around a desk. Then the children. The windows didn’t have glass, just some bars. The older children were packed like sardines into that window, watching the van pull up.

We entered the orphanage, and were offered tea. I heard the name Duong Thi Thuy said softly to one of the caretakers. Only moments now to wait…then, suddenly there she was. I kept hitting my husband with my elbow and pointing as she came close, but he was so overwhelmed with the experiences of the last few days that he didn’t understand that this was “the moment”. I grabbed the baby, then turned to my husband. I gave my dear Abby to him, but he still didn’t understand that this was his daughter. I had to tell him, “It’s Abby!!”

The next half hour is a blur of holding Abby, smiling and playing briefly with the other children. Before we knew it we were back in the van on the way to the Claudia. Mrs. Thuy met us when we came in with the babies, and had already made some preparations for us. There were thermoses of hot water, mattresses, and inflatable tubs in our rooms. She sent out for formula, the same type the babies were on in the orphanage. She prepared a green tea bath for Abby, and clipped her nails. She drained some boils on her scalp, put medicine on the impetego and scabies. Then I gave Abby her first bottle. I fed her 3 or 4 ounces then lifted her to my shoulder to burp, but before she made it that far she vomited the whole amount on the front of my shirt. Now I was truly a mom.

I must admit that I didn’t fall instantly in love. For me it was a process. The first couple of months I felt that I was babysitting someone else’s baby. Gradually, I’d have moments when I felt the love, felt the motherhood. Now, after 10 months being home, there’s no denying that she’s my daughter, I’m her mother. I love her fiercely. As a matter of fact, we decided in February 2001 to adopt a second child. We will leave it up to the IMH to decide the gender, and we’ve left the age of the child open also. We trust whatever match is made, it will be the right one.

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